W hen I was like four years old, despite my mother warning me not to, I put my finger on a hot stove. The stove was red and bright and shiny and I knew yummy food came from it, so the allure was irresistible. That day I learned an important lesson: And you want to avoid touching them again. Around the same time, I made another important discovery.
The ice cream that my parents would treat me on occasion was stored in the freezer, on a shelf that could be easily accessed if I stood on my tippy toes.
One day, while my mother was in the other room poor mom , I grabbed the ice cream, sat on the floor, and proceeded to engorge myself with my bare hands. It was the closest I would come to an orgasm for another ten years. If there was a heaven in my little four-year-old mind, I had just found it.
My own little bucket of Elysium filled with congealed divinity. As the ice cream began to melt, I smeared an extra helping across my face, letting it dribble all over my shirt, practically bathing in that sweet, sweet goodness.
Oh yes, glorious sugary-milk, share with me your secrets, for today I will know greatness.
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